OH I"M TIRED!!!!

a mothers wk is never done.. is it??? I finially finished the house I am expecting company tomorrow.....(HIS MOM) that means I want the house clean enough to eat off the floors so to speak....

I am very picky when his mom comes I want her to think we r better off than we r.. I know u r probably wondering why but It's one of my pet peves when people worry about me.I want to keep an image that says JESI IS FINE { WOMAN OF STEAL} !!!!!!!

Although I wked my ass off today I cut lawn did laundry for 9 people ( a weeks worth ) did dishes 3 xs swept floors dusted, folded clothes, vaccumed, cleaned bathroom, worked non-stop all day no joke when I say i'm exausted..and I'm still not done.still have 3 loads of clothes to finish.....

But , I can handel it...

all but 2 of the 7 kids r asleep which makes it more peaceful around here not as much fighting...yes the bickering is still going on but it's not as bad. If only these kids knew what chores ment.its not quite fair to make mine keep their schedual when he lets his go free.my kids will not b slaves so here I am doing my stuff and theirs too.even stars room....cause the other kids trash it and won't help so i feel obligated to clean it myself..... I know mom's playing push over but hay i love my kids and fair is fair.......

Any way other than my back feet and hands killing me I am in a pretty good mood... I was excited that all the diary rings that I signed up for has excepted me hopefully that means more visiters which means I will get to know more exciting people... By the way if any one ever wants to chat feel free to look me up on yahoo or msn......under blazing_angel_73 its the same on both...

Being a stay at home mom is most the time a lonely job. after all most conversations begin with " mom he/she is doing this or that" LOL.. I find myself missing the interlectual converastions that adult friends provide... but, with these 4 (sometimes 7) it is just too hard to go places or make friends.

I'm always afraid something will get broke or messed up so I sit at home alone..... Thats why my pc is so valuable to me......

well any way...theres only one thing left i have on my mind and I know it is out of reach and thats why I must write about it.... MY DARK PRINCE.... no I still haven't heard from him. he is trying to keep peace with his g/f...that don't keep me from thinking about him nor does it change my feelings for him.I will always love him and I know he feels the same way.it's been about 2 wks since I called him and he sounded good I could tell from the way he said that he was working on things there that he is very disappointed in the situation.

U c his g/f and him supposably had this open relationship well when she found out about me and his feelings she became cold and unwilling to work with things. forcing him to back away from me after all like he said they hav a child together and the baby is his world.not to mention he does love her too but he has said several times that his world is incomplete without me...which makes me know he will never b happy without me... But thats ok It is her choice..

I have tried to be her friend and she slams the door in my face..I don't know why she acts that way I'm not trying to steal him I was more than willing to share him... just was not willing to be more than a friend to her...which is probably the craziest thing I have ever felt in my life....but I am not gonna call love wrong.....

I can be a real bitch but I'm not a cold person..I can be a persons best friend... I know she has a link to my diary so I know she will be able to read this and I hope that one day she will give me a chance... I have read her diary and I have sat and read where she constantly says she has no friends that no one is interested in her but I was I wanted to b a true friend. But any way I've done my part the rest is up to them.....and I will be ok no matter what they choose to do..I know what I am and what I can do for people so It is no loss for me......

Ok I'm outta here......I'll be back soon.....

have a good one.....

JESILYN

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