( age 7-12 not so pretty times the abuse begins)

Shortly after the move Rose died, She had been a hyprocondreact

and years of over usage of prescription drugs had deteriated her body.

It had caused her mussels to quit functioning. Maybe she was better off. I can remember the day that I was told my mother came to my school personally walked me home. She wrapped her arms around me and gentally told me my nanny had passed away. I must have fell into shock because I never shed a tear. We went to the funeral again I didn't cry it wasn't until after the funeral that reality set in. Every one was coming and going out of the house I had drifted into the laundry room where the funeral flowers were. When I let out a scream that would wake the dead. Never speaking a word I never mentioned it again......

My years of happieness would soon be scared by events beyond my control. Although I could not tell you when the abuse actually began I know I was nine. I don't remember the first touch I got really good at

hiding my pain. Drifting off into my own imagination that I still fall back on in times of need.

I do however remember the first penatration how gross, and dirty I felt. How scared I was and how I desparately wanted to be saved.

How could I tell Who would listen and would they believe me. This was the family that I had always wanted how could this man that I had loved so much do this.

I was twelve when my mother found out about the situation. She had confronted me because I hadn't used any feminin pads that month and

she wanted to know who I was sleeping with. I begged that I wasn't sexual active but her presistance caused me to lash out and tell all.

It was a sunday morning in march 1985, she sent me to church and when I returned I found him gone and mom crying. She told me that he left , he admitted he had done what he was being accused of. We were both emotionally broken. Thank God Buzzy was fixed and I wasn't pregnate.....

The house was Buzzy's and we had to find a new place to live. We went to visit our formal minister and that's when things got worse.

Mom told him what was going on , he informed her of his obligation to

report all child abuse. He did however give her a couple hours to call herself before he made his call. She would look better if she called first. otherwise they may take me from her and neither of us wanted that.

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