The DNC had left me feeling empty and the thought of never having my own family was devestating...My boyfriend was dealing with our loss himself and being so young he couldn't handel me at the same time..So he would tell me to shut up and get over it.. I would cry uncontrolably for hours and hours.. I locked myself in my room and just let the guilt and dispare over run my life.

One night lieing in bed he asked me to try again..He said he didn't believe the doctors and in his heart he believed that the possibility still existed..... I loved him so much, and failing him by loosing his son was more than I could handel. so despite the dr.'s orders I gave in... ( the orders were to not have sex for 6weeks because they had rebuilt my uterus while they were in there)

I was terrified and trying to make him happy all at the same time...

Everytime we finished he would softly kiss my stomach as to say " I will this" and we would go to sleep.....

We never mentioned James again...Yes James Cobretti Hill-Boswell would have been my sons name..... now adays he would have been 13 years old... To this day I wonder what he would have been like.. would he have looked like starla. would he have had his fathers looks too? would he have been good at math like me...what would he say to me if he could talk??? Oh well I guess I will never know.....

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