Sensitive subject here but never the less I feel a need to write..

I just walked in on the old man taking a bath..u know even after all we've been thru and all the times of him denying me....I am still having those feelings...u know the ones that scream I WANT U!!!

What I wouldn't do if he would change..I still find him extreamly handsom and believe him to b a good man....under all the chaos and pain lies a man capible of romantic tendacys...

Confusion fills my head and I find myself longing to feel his arms around me and his soft lips upon mine...at one time we made magic he and I. I was glorified in his arms...I have asked many times why as I look twords the stars.....but never do I recieve an answer.

People tell me I am now seeing the real man.instead of the love struck fool I fell in love with.....but, somewhere inside the hollow exsistance I know the person I met learks...

at almost 40 (13 yrs older than I) he is still good looking.with a slim patete body..his skin soft his hair long and silky.his voice tender even in rage...

I fear my feelings because i know that if I try I am only setting myself up for heart ache again...but, I want, I need, I desire him.....his touch his attention his affection...

I guess I will eventually learn to let go just as I have had to do in the past...but, will I forever crave his closeness....I DON"T KNOW!!!!!!!!

JESILYN

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