Life these days have been full of thoughts about love and fantasy...thus the reason for my sadness today.... It's odd really.for today I awoke in such a good mood.then suddenly I fell...soring strait down like my balloon that has a whole in it.....

I am trying desparately to shake these feelings...trying to stay optimistic....but cold reality of my life sets in and the lonleyness takes over..

Yes I am a mom and I am not alone..my children adore me as I do them.....but, life without a soul mate is almost as bad as death....

Am I wining, no, I don't think so..I feel that I am only expressing a moment of sadness for I know tomorrow will bring with it a new beginning. and a new chance at life..... Hopefully It will be happier but if it's not I will survive like I did today and every other day that I have suffered......

I should be relaxing enjoying the quiet instead I sit and listen to the voices in my head that repeat the hurtful words that have been said over the years.. the ones that leave me feeling self conscience and resentful.....

I realize most of these things are not true and I know that I deserve better.but, i can not help but feel that for some reason I have been cursed to a life without a mate.....

When I was a teen ager, earley teen ager, the male singers sang with such conviction about love and I fell head over heals for the romantic words...thinking that someday I would meet and marry a balloteer (POET_ROMANTIC) but I did not instead I was dealt a life full of obsticals a wild emotional roller coaster....indeed it has been.....

I live in a fantasy world, believing that that prince will come and sweep me off...looking into every man I meet wonder if he is the one...but of course there is always something that comes up that says nope.he is taken or nope he's not interested, or nope.he's definately not mr. right.....either way here I sit still very much alone...

Oh well life goes on and so shall I.

Holding on for one more day, one day at a time!!!!!

I'll B ok.

JESILYN!!!

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