BROKEN WINGS!!!!!

You know..my favorite artists come in many catagory but for tonight I feel overly compelled to feel close to martina mcbride.her music inspires me so much.. Between her song independance day which by all means reminds me of my mother who was murdered in 1992 on the forth of july, and her song broken wings which is what I really wanna discuss.. for this evening this is how I feel...

Everyday that passes I feel that ronnie only puts me down for who I am.yes I know I am not perfect but a life of pure critasism is not a life of happieness...

I give him everything I can and yet he is never satisfied.. which makes me feel that much closer to the song from mcbride..

I keep fighting and trying every day......reaching for my dreams of happieness.I know I can not sit back and hope with out doing the foot work ness.to susceed so I try more and more everyday.

I also know that one day I will leave this hard life behind and find true love and satisfaction...Somewhere in this vast world aawaits a destany for jesilyn.how long I don't know, where my road will lead again I do not know but surely I will carry on..

My wings may be broken for now but I know with a strong will and deturmination I will susceed..when I do that poor man will look at me and say damn..what did I do.... I messed it all up...and I will look at him and say indeed you did......***SMILE***

my house is clean...very clean..I did get those dishes, kitchen, living room and even the laundry i spoke of folded...I am proud of my self.tomorrow I will clean that boys room....I am tired but, happy...

I sit here with eyes still burning from the bleach insident and bones aching, but, I know that I did everything myself.no help.....I may have had to force the mind to coroperate with my will power....and force myself to do what I was not emotionally up tooo..... but now that it is done..I admire that accomplishment... (with a crazy motion I reach backwards and pat my shoulder..good job jesi, good job) In my life I know there isn't anyone gonna give me the compliments I deserve there for I believe in telling myself at least once a day.. < u will make it> I hope there r others in this world that do this tooo...

I hope that every decent person who is living a nightmare steps back and says...broken wings or not I will susceed!!!

FAREWELL!!!!!

JESILYN

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