well it looks like its time to dig my head outta my ass and start trying to figure out what to do...by damned i am not gonna let this life take advantage of me...i'm gonna pick myself up and dust myself off and get things done....

u know i really didn't like this neighborhood anyway from past entrys u know about my neighbors and the trouble they have caused...and i have been taking the kids to school for almost 2 yrs because the driver for this area is unfit....so this could b the gods and goddess way of saying honey it's time......

what time is it ( TIME TO CHANGE), which way is my destany set to travel (WHO KNOWS)... are the roads any windyer any rockier, any higher (WE SHALL FIND OUT)..... will i find a place to call home that will actually feel like a home or will it b another hell hole that i merely survive in....( LIFE IS WHAT U MAKE IT)...

I am giving my self a pep talk can u tell.... can u hear the battle from within me?????

optimisim jesilyn....u can do this...(YEP LIKE I REALLY BELIEVE I HAVE LESS THAN 2$ IN MY POCKET KIDS AND A TON OF BILLS) ya you'll make it......(OK OK OK ENOUGH!!!!! I WILL MAKE IT)

do u think i'm crazy yet? i know i am...but hay don't we all have these little battles with our selfs.....

I keep hearing my mother say "jessica lynn (yes she called me that) where theres a will theres a way" I wanna believe that, that is true... but, she had done so much in her life...struggeled so hard and yet died by the hand of another murdered and her efforts lost forever...

i do not wanna end like her...i wanna win, enjoy life, prosper.....

i want happieness and a family.....

and i am gonna fight for what i deserve...

fake it until i make it....(in other words force myself to smile-grin-and-bere-it!!!!!)

no body is gonna fix me until i fix myself.....and by god i am never gonna rely on ronnie to pay rent again.........

ANOTHER HARD LESSON LEARNED!!!

JESILYN

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