ok here i am at almost 6 am! i told myself that i wasn't gonna worry like this but, of course here i am doing it anyway... what the hell am i gonna do..how long will i have to fix this mess...

how r my children gonna react to moving again?this is my worry...yea we all hate this place but we have just about got it remodeled to our likings...my daughter has a pink bedroom...her dream...and my living room is brown my kitchen blue...just the way i like it...now what i have to start all over....

its a wild crazy merry go round and frankly i want off...i want a calmer life...a life full of security... a life where i am not kept awake by nightmares...some peace of mind PLEASE 4 once...

i am not wining really, i am just soul searching for the answers thinking out loud writing my thoughts as to remember what is happening so when i look back at the lessons i see exactly how i felt...

I guess the feelings of hopelessness come easy when life is rough...even when u do have confidence u tend to loose it....

I just hope that when a teen ager finds this crazy diary about my life it will leave them making the discission to keep their asses in school, their legs closed and wait til they r emotionally, and financially capible of building a family...i hope that i can shed enough tears for them...feel enough pin to keep them from feeling it...leave a mark..that says jesilyn survived so u won't have to...

then again who am i fooling we all knew everything until we grew up and found we knew nothing....thats how life is...

any how just chalk this entry up as another attempt of jesilyn's to find herself and her rainbow...

JESILYN

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