life is interesting.... today i did apsolutely nothin productive....nothing interesting unless u wanna hear about my trip to walmart which by the way is so depressin....

I ran to walmart tonight and there on the clearance rack was the bathin suite ive wanted for the last 2yrs....yes...3 $ a pc.....so i rummaged thru the rack grabbed two differant ones and proceeded to the dressin room ready to disappoint myself...and it happen...i tried on two differant tops...and needless to say too small...nothin bigger available...

so i decided maybe the black wasnt so bad...i slipped on the bottons stood starin into the mirror at the body that most men use to concider to be a goddess...and tears filled my eyes...

how stupid I must hav been to even think I would look good in that thing....my ass looked huge and I was definately not happy...matter of fact besides the pain and depressin thoughts I actually felt rage...rage for myself for not taken care of what I had been given....

I am so outta shape and I hardly even try any more....

I husseled and threw on my clothes tryin to excape the image that was now imbedded in my mind of the cow in a bikini...and put the suits back on the racks....never again...no...no more...

I grabbed two pairs of big sweat pants two shirts and skuffeled off...I bought a callin card and decided there was only one thing to do...call grandma..yes, I did and burned the whole card...in 1 call....over 200 minuets...of course i hadn't talked to g-ma since june so we had lots to say....

well I'm done ranting...time to get some sleep and realize that life is not kind...no I'm over being depressed (at least as much as its gonna get until I loose this weight)I still hav to die my hair...my roots r almost totally out, havent died it since my dark prince talked me into it way back months ago...any way nighty night....

JESILYN

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