for the infomation of the readers of this diary and my guest book...yes I had an online romance which was suppose to lead in another direction...and yes I know miss greta that u r marys sister..but let me explain somin...mine and martins talks have been more than sexual and sure there was some show and tell games but not in front of the kids...even martin wouldn't stoop so low...it is appearant that u don't know him very well and by all means i know you do not know me...what u see is what u want and that is perfectly fine with me....

I do not feel that what martin and I did was in anyway wrong minus the fact that he assumed she would understand...I warned him...but all that knows him knows he is persistant when he wants something...

we were robbed years ago, robbed of the life we should have shared together....we can not take back the past and though we may never be close in real life again...it was clear that the love was still strong...

what ever happen in his head between his last letter telling me he loved me and that we need to calm things for marys sake I have no idea...as I said b4...we made a promise to never let anyone or anything come between our friendship again. this is a promise that I kept...I told him that I would not take the 1st stop and would never believe it was him unless he looked me in the eyes...in return he said the same...as anyone can get into a persons accounts and pretend to be that person....this still hasn't happen sooooo...

why should I believe it's him...

Do I think martin is an asshole? maybe in his natural state...but, in his heart I know martin is a very loving caring guy who can flatter the heart of all he meets... I know from reading u're diary in the past that u do not care for him and thats ok everyone has the right to their own opinion...

if loving him's a crime I don't wanna be right! and one day he will know my feelings never died....

as to the way u worded his commitment to mary, martin thought that they were in an open relationship, they have spoken about bringing others in b4...its my opinion that because it was me...she got jelous...she has admitted that several times..why I have no idea but its how she feels...

I am not great almighty perfect angel but I am me...and I stand up for what I believe in...i am a survivor of life and will continue to learn as each day goes on.

I never ment to cause anyone any harm, and asked martin is he wished i had never found him...he was glad i found him, and thats enough 4 me...

I have left ur guestbook entry and do not find it insulting..even the part where u thought show and tell was infront of star...who is 11...because if I know my daughter she will speak her peace...I need not speak 4 her...

have a wonderful evening......I know I will....

JESILYN

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