Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 00:05:23 -0700 (PDT)

From: "blazing angel_73" | Block Address | Add to Address Book

Subject: good morning my love.....

To: [email protected], [email protected]

To my darling dearest, my love,

I am unable to sleep again, as always....and been thinking about your last letter all day....trying to figure out the words for a heart felt responce........I know that you are catching hell every time you talk to me on line.... you say mainly for moving behind marys back trying to get me there...maybe you deserve it maybe you don't. im not the one to answer that because i love you too much to be honost.. it's an conflict of interest......I know that you tend to live up to a self centered, onesided opinionated image.... but in my opinion this is who you are... this is the man she and I both fell in love with...I don't believe you will ever change completely.....and I would never ask you to....I personally am tired of defending myself against people who have their set ideas of who I am....I don't care much what people think anymore..I wanna be me.....I want to be in control of my destany...of course it's hard when my destany is out of my hands, which is almost always.......

As for mary being afraid of me....I feel like this is just another barrier to keep us apart.....If we had no connections like a past or love she wouldn't mind...but we do and that makes her unable to except me as anything other than a threat.... I will never say she don't have a right to be upset,jelous, or even envious about our relationship.. and I'm sure she will continue to do what ever it takes to seperate us.........but, I also have opinions about that...just knowing you as I think I do....I think that lashing out at you will only drive you further from her.....I heard it in your voice the other night when u said u were being bitched out again....u felt trapped...the martin I know hates that feeling.......I am not trying to sway the scales in my direction...I will only sit and wait for the earth shattering kaboom that will tilt it for me....I will await the vision that I have to come true on it's own....I figure it will eventually happen.....

You are a strong willed man, egar to have attention and control....either she will be strong enough to bend or she will break away. and you will be forced to move on.....either way the stars will guide you and you will find your destany......I am not trying to sound cold and heartless just predicting, from my vision.....

I am a human with feelings and there is two sides to my heart pulling in differant directions........There is one side saying that u and mary have a son.. and u love each other...that side says for you both to work this out and compremise....keep it together.......... but, then there is the side of me that wants you more than life alone.. the side that says......yep, let it fall apart because he loves me and I will have him......jelousey and envy, and heart break all trying to envade me at the same time... I don't feel any of the emotions we are feeling even marys can be concidered wrong because a persons emotions is a mirror to their soul,,,, the one true thing that belongs to the owner........no one can take emotions away... sure they can be covered but will eventually resurface.......As long as a person don't harm intentionally it is ok......

I have been nice to her, I have been patient to the best of my ability to you...I have kept the chains of love secure around the lepoard in side me that is doing everything trying to break loose.......My love is pure and untainted, if anything happened to me I wanna know that u knew how I felt. and that u were happy......that's what I want most your happieness.......

It hurts that I am not the one who provides that right now........and I miss you so much.......I just hope no matter what happens that you will stay in touch and keep me informed. and if you change your mind about me you will let me know......with that I will colse try to respond, have a good day I hope u feel better........

love ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

jesilyn

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