look ppl I am way too tired and my life has a stronger purpose then to continue to play head games tonight....in my opinion it is you who are making things worse...you are invading my diary...casting your unwanted entrys..when I have simply maintained my space.... I read others but write in mine maybe you all should do the same!!!!!

I can understand marys bitterness about my topics but of course it is my diary as hers is hers....Etha is my best friend and though we bicker we r family...I give her credit as always for standing up for what she believes in but like most do not want to be force fed others beliefs...neither do I....I simply do not c where u bash ask 4 forgiveness and bash more...tis what I hav against cathlic ppl....(shakes head I never understood that)

I agree that there has been some pretty stupid bullshit going on..but defend my right to post in my diary what I see fit I have not and will not stoop to the level of those around me who want to go guest book bashing and I will not appoligize for the posts I have made in my diary...( and my friends were just defending my right to my own diary and my freedom to write what ever I wanted)

I will not ever agree to the statements that I have or ever will stalk my jr. high sweetheart, for until the other day he had never told me to stop writing or calling..per our agreement...

further more because I do carry a flame which happens to be much smaller due to the letter he (or some one) sent etha I will continue to believe that he has either been brainwashed or casted upon either way the man I knew would have never attacked a child... If things have changed that much I suggest ppl use extream caution when your children are around him. (still thinks that it takes a sad individual to attack a child) I mean seriously....everyone is attacking me in my guest book when none of u know me like you think you do.....

I will give mary credit in one area....sure she left a shitty message one time...but at least the woman did not repeat her garbage over and over like some ppl...and if I had been left alone I would have never published the second set of letters...I did those by request as far as I'm concerned......(not to forget a defence for my roll in all this)

If people would get off their high horses they would c just how manipulative martin has been to both me and mary....she was decieved and so was I. the proof is in the letters and conversations....I wanted his friendship he offered more....telling me over and over how it was gonna be ok...knowing that he had me caught like a worm on a hook..probably waiting to real me in close enough to fry me like he did..I wasn't even open to meetin her at first only because I knew what I would have thought if I were her...which I have shown in my letter....

After meeting her I was still very skeptical, I wondered how she could be taking things so lightly when I knew how I would have reacted...she even admitted to talking with me.even if her remarks were volgar and intense.

she admitted that there was a good side to me..exact words do not matter....if you are that interested go look at her pages...

Sure I tried to take interest especially after martin pushed the issue....and I have admitted to martin that I did like her as a friend (maybe)(possible) I asked him to give me time that it was hard for me too.....thats when he dropped contact placing the blame on marys insecuritys which I never understood mainly because I am but a face/voice on the pc where she is real and there for him...

I think also that it is a difficult situation for me because my love was genuine and all the attacks have been directed twords me when it was him who drug me that far....if he was so happy and content why was it so easy for him to creat what has happen...why was he seeking the emotional relationship he found with me? and why did he sleep with another man while she was gone...

why is all this being shoved at me when all I did was be there...they both admitted to having an open relationship at one point or another so who's to say what the hell was running thru his mind....

Etha did stress one grain of truth each and every one of us will be judged by our creator.... and from here on out unless I am again attacked I will have no need to continue this...

Everyone of you are welcome to read anything here as long as you realize that you did so by your own free will...I did not put the mouse in your hand and demand you to make your focus of the day my diary...you made that choice there fore if you do not like what you read you do not have to stay and read more...u hav the option to turn leave and not return.....it does not bother me one way or another its your life...what I do with mine is my own discission....

As far as Martin Wayne Jarrell or Dark wolf goes.... I am so glad I was weary of the move to pheonix because I know now just how deceptive you are...and my dear no amount of love can change that.....

JESILYN

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