It's been an extrodenarly long day I woke up after a not so peaceful evening of dealing with mulitple teeth feeling like someone was jerking them out without novicain. to rush rush hurry hurry get the kids out the door....

after I took star and dylan to school I went back to bed slept til noon...this always makes me drag the rest of the day. I did manage to clean the house...it is amazing how dusty a country home can get everyday. after that I took a nice scolding hot bubble bath...

the smell of rasberrys left me relaxed...I love my lavender shampoo and the pink dove soap. that half an hr rest and relaxation was worth millions....after wards I dressed in my nicer clothes...never did do my hair (as normal anyway)and make up but with the spritz of purfume I ran out the door to pick up the kids....

It's horrible that I never get to smell the flowers and enjoy the day...being a single mom is alot of hard work and seldome any rest. I know that my rewards will far out do the pain...so I move forward without regret.

today I was reminded of the anguish and sorrow when I lost my mother back in 1992... a friend of mines mom died a few hrs ago and i was called for comfort I went and spent an hr there feeling speachless and very emotional....I know at a time like this everyone is pushing the better place deal when that isn't at all what a greiving person wants to hear... you start to feel alone and no amount of words can change that...you feel resentment and anger which is normal and by all means. you are feeling selfish....there is no light at the end of the tunnel. and if anyone offers a spark you tend to blow out the match...

I personally think that a person should take the time to grieve however they choose....they are in pain and they should not pretend other wise...its ok to cry...its ok to scream, its ok to tell the world to go fuck them selves...but!!!! and this is the bigger issue...u hav to show progress...u have to start getting back into your everyday events...if not...by all means its not ok...and u need to find help...

While I was there I left myself open for her to talk and did not push...I know over the next few weeks she is gonna need me...I'll be there...

Diana darling if u read this...I luvs ya girl and I am here 4 u....

with that I'll close....

B.A.

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