Feelings of numbness fill my world as everything around me continues to move....I have yet to find peace in this last week although life has taught me many lessons...

first it goes without saying that I have learned never believe in other people no matter how wrapped up in their promises you become...the feelings of security are not to be trusted...for in a brief moment everything can come crashing down on you. with me this is garenteed....so I will stop that!!! lol..sure I will until the next warm loving emotionally enclined person drifts in my life then I will again be a victom to love.... that is my story.....

second...never assume u know a person because just when u think u have figured out their charecter the story changes and the title will change with it....basically saying that ppl r seldom what they appear to be....

third... I have learned that love is something that will prevail, not ness. helping us in this lifetime but will definately help us in our next....in other words keep the love, release the pain....remember the good and leave what isn't good behind...

fourth... be willing to follow your heart, because it probably knows more than your sex drive does!!! lol that was a hard lesson.....

fifth... If it seems impossible...well it probably is....(in no way am I saying give up on dreams just use common scense)

I have no idea why this came to mind but since it did I figured it would be a good way to end the evening...

I have lost alot this week...as some of my newest friends have put it...its just a test of faith...and I am strong enough to over come this situation and many more like it...I've been told to follow my heart and not to let others get in the way of that...I feel good with that logic...as who knows me better than my own heart....

This world is full of onlookers, ppl who feel the need to justify others in their own mind...I am not going to be that way...I am gonna try my best to not judge...I realize how hard that is...but a goal never the less...

I do not know what lies ahead of this world...but I do know that when I do meet my maker I am gonna know in my heart that I was open to my own heart...I didn't walk away from what I thought was right....I will carry the burdon of all those I lost along the way and morn such loss in the way that feels natural...these losses being both of death and choice....

for loosing a friend to choice is no differant than loosing one to death in my book...either way they r gone and nothing can bring them back...that is if it is a true loss....

remorse is not a feeling beyond me...I feel inclined to say that...I feel the loss of what I thought were friends...a loss because I loved them...I do not think that what has happen will ever be fully reconsiled...even in time...as the pain and anguish that was created will haunt my life forever....abandonment was never a topic I took lightly, nor will I ever...

maybe it's because I personally would never abandon those I love...oh well...the world is not me and I not thy world...so life goes on...and so do I...

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