Wow!!! I finially got connected...and have managed to get into my diary on the 2nd try...yes I'm still having computer problems and yes I am still bitching about it but hay whats the use..U know how the wonderful world of electronics goes....lol

anyway since i am finially home alone and have some time let me fill you in on whats been going on...

last week was pure hell starting with the weekend and the party...then my cat who cost me 40 something at the vet...

of course u can't forget the school loosing Karin for almost 2 hrs...yes that was a horrifying experiance leaving the rest of the week up in the air...I have managed to get back on a meditation schedual every evening I take the time to go over the day and work on my spiritual growth...not always an easy thing to do with kids in the house...

I have been organizing my house again not easy with small children who love to go right behind you tearing up what u just fixed...I've said it b4 and I'll say it again a mothers wk is never done..

this week end I took the time to clean all those leaves and twigs outta my yard If winter is right around the corner by goodness I don't want all those leaves and junk in my snow man...Don't look at me like that..yes the child in me stil loves to build snowmans every chance i get...if it apsolutely has to snow then I wanna play and try to have fun...who else is gonna teach the kids to create their very own frosty ~grins~

I managed to stay awake this morn (I'm getting better at that) and I went and payed bills after a hard core work out... This exercizing bit has left my muscles aching...I do believe I am getting too old to be rolling around on the floor trying to act like i can handle all the moves on the work out tape...My heart tends to beat uncontrolably...Yes I over strain and get too obsessive with everything I do...yes I know ppl end up with torn ligaments and pulled muscles because of crazieness but I am determined to loose this weight and be ready to dress up as something lean and quote unquote sexy for next samhain...I'm getting tired of looking in the mirror longing for what I use to be...and no body can change that except me...(now if I can keep that additude and not fall back into that depressed mode that keeps me hiding and not trying I might accomplish my goal).

Ronnie and I have been getting along alil better...no we are not back together and no I do not forsee him getting his head outta his ass anytime in his life time...but he did manage to pay the rent, car insurance and buy things the family actually needed instead of his wants...that in it's self is progress...I did ask the god and goddess to improve my life I see this happening...

I also feel a bit more self dignity and pride in my life...so maybe everything will start comming together soon...I can only hope...

last night I talked to an internet friend for a long time on the phone...It does feel good to have a male friend to speak to...even if the friendship will probably stay just that a friendship...he is so sweet and understanding and supportive...In many ways very romantic unlike most the sex craved lunitics that I seem to run accrossed on here...every day he brightenes my day in one way or another...there is no way of repaying a friendship like that...

I know he has been going thru a tough time over the last few months with his x g/f and getting over the hurt and pain that tends to linger when love grants a broken heart...I ought to be able to understand that well...especially after last month...when you learn a persons true side after u fall inlove with what they appeared to be it is devistating and takes awhile to heal...Reba McIntyre says it so great on her song surviver...

" I may be the queen of broken hearts but I don't hide behind the crown!!!" that is so me, When life and love gets me down I look for change and a remedy...if It's love that I loose I will look else where...life is like a job..... u need a job to exsist and be happy...well with life if u waste it over one heart ache then u tend to not be happy...

Oh...well.... I guess this entry is far longer than I intended it to be....hopefully it makes up for all the neglect I have done over the last two weeks...take care ya'll....

B.A.

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