Good Morning,

I woke up alittle on the mean side..as I have never been much of a morning person..I slept so well that i just didn't wanna get up. lol that's me...

I took ronnie to wk again, and came home got the kids ready...my living room got cleaned and I took the kids to school...my morning rutine. I have about 10 minuets until I have to start my exercize program...I have actually concidered taking it on the road this morning...grabbing me a cup of coffee and just taking me a mile walk of course that means when I get a mile out I still have to walk back...wonder if I'm ready 4 that...can't wait til I can run (jog) all these years of smoking has definately caught up with me and my asthma has returned...don't even bother to tell me to quit..I don't wanna and until I do I won't...

I don't think I got a chance to tell u that Ellie got ahold of a pair of scissors and killed her bangs...I tried to straiten it out but only time will help that mess she created...Kids... what do u do with em...oh well live and learn..at least pictures aren't for a few months gives it plenty of time to grow...

another fasanating thing I have recently learned... My x-husband (soon to be) is back in church...this supprises the shit outta me...I mean it can be a good thing..if he is really into it...I don't know how long he has been going but I know he is...he said that he is straitening his life out..I can offer him the encouragement but not his hidden agenda...

He has made the statement he wants his family back...I played that game before and he never changed...yes we hav been seperated for 3 yrs almost but I just don't trust him anymore...his alcoholism and anger distroyed my love. and frankly I don't find him attractive any more...not so much because of the weight he gained but because all the years of emotional shit he put me thru...not to mention the kids don't want us together...

I always feel bad because he confesses his love to me and almosts beggs me to come back...I can not return the words that I do not mean...and all his begging don't help me feel any closer to him...oh well...just another one of those things...why couldn't he have tried so hard back then...why wait until u loose everything b4 u open ur eyes...

he has quit drinking (for the most) he holds a good job, provides insurance for me and the kids, he pays for some of their needs and most their wants, he still does things for me when I can't...like buying cigarettes, gas, and personal cash...

out of all my kids dads John has been the most supportive...even when he is being a dick he is there 4 the kids...(most the time) at least he hasn't abandoned them like roger, who never calls or writes his son alone send christmas or b-day stuff...I still feel bad about Donnie who is stars daddy what makes a person feel that life isn't worth living before age 30...of course he isn't there to feel her pain or enjoy her life...his loss was the greatest in that area...she is a wonderful child ful of spunk...

any way It's that time again and I must run...well not run but u know what i mean...

I'll catch u on the flip side....

take care

B.A.

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