that took a while...I been trying to get on here all day and without luck..I can not wait to get my pc home again ...appearantly compaq is a shit machine...I will say it again Gateway rules...u couldn't pay me to own a compaq....

today wasn't bad...Margie came and stole Starla and Dylan to go to the movies with Jonathan and Nikki and Ronnie and I took the babys to Shoneys Buffett for dinner...

I got them ready curled their hair dressed them all purty... and like princesses they walked into Shoneys flawnting their shit like they owned the joint...

It was seafood night and I love seafood....mmmmm stuff crab, shrimp, fried clams....we had a good time even though Ronnie was so sick he could barely hold his head up...he didn't even eat...po'dude...he maybe a butt head but I do still care very much about him...

The only thing I wish could have been differant is the feeling of family and maybe some romance...eye contact and maybe holding hands...these r things I miss the most..communication with a mate is probably the most important thing...lately over the last year we have drifted apart in more ways than just one...It's too bad because at one time we made a great team...not only in our personal relationship but as a family and society...we complimented each other and when we first met I was more happy than I had ever been...I do mean ever...

I use to find it to be funny how a 26 year old woman could get the jitters like a school girl...I lived 4 the weekends when I could be in his arms...now I live dying to just be held ever...

It's lonly and sad and I miss having a romantic relationship...more than I can explain...u loose a scence of u're self when u live without love...I really hope to find that again...and I hope its soon...

ok so I'm feeling depressed and I am outta here...I'll be ok...

B.A.

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