I'm going to address this entry to the battered men/wemon of this world... You Don't Have To take It!!!!!

What I am about to write about is an emotional subject. a subject that has haunted my life for years... I have been involved in several abusive relationships that in the beginning seemed to be made in a heavenly place. Once you fall in love with a person and they become abusive you tend to make yourself believe that it is some how your fault or that the abuser will stop...I have learned that this is a myth and a very dangerous way of thinking... So I am going to put my story out for you to view...Do not feel sorry for what I am dealing with use it as a tool for yourself and by all means if you are ever faced with this situation I hope you find the strength to defend your self and then make what ever changes possible to get out...I am in that stage now...READ AND LEARN!

yesterday started off a good day. My x husband to b called and told me to pick up some money, we went and cashed the insurance check, went to the store bought some things that I needed. this was a gift made in paradise....

I was happier when John decided to take the kids for a few hrs...in return I picked up Ronnie and we went to dinner...we talked and had a fairly good time...after wich we went and got some more stuff outta storage. I was pleased with the events of the day....when we got home all was going good...I was in my room with my older daughter and middle daughter watching a movie...Ronnie was in his room with Ellie and dylan watching a show and playing....

Ronnie came in my room sat on my bed and began to talk...one of the statements lead to a remark being made by my oldest...she said that her and her brothers money pd most of the bills a true statement. he got defensive plopped my baby next to me and stormed out with a remark of we will c tomorrow...I followed him to his room trying to figure out what the hell was his problem. when I noticed one of my old 1997 journelks on his bed...I said give that to me...he said no...I walked over picked it up and went to walk back to my room he jumped up and began to go to my room to try to take something else I stopped him...

he turned around tried to push me outta his way again I stood strong...I am tired of this shit!!!! after that he threw a punch at me...I dodged it and it almost missed my chin barely scraping it...in return I lost control.... Iwent off began defending myself...he ripped my top off and I inreturn busted his lip and grabbed his hair bringing him to his knees...I screamed mother fucker u will never hit me again...do u understand!!!! he didnt reply I kept saying that til he answered...he said let me go I said not til u agree that u will never touch me again....

when I let him go he went to his room and then to the van...where he was going to disable it again. I screamed at him u better not leave I will hav u picked up (I ment that) so he went out back and cut the phone cords out of the wall... I stood in the door way I screamed mother fucker if u do I will beat ur ass again I am getting tired of ur shit...when he did it and tried to enter the house I pushed him away..."NO U R NOT COMMING IN!!!" he tried to sling me outta the way again I opened a can of wip ass on him...I grabbed that hair he grabbed my new shirt and the fight was on again out in the front yard. I got him to his knees and held him there slamming his face in the ground screaming again MFer I told u I am not gonna take ur shit I know ur past and I am not pat! u hav picked the wrong bitch to mess with this time... this went on for a while he almost got away and tried to hit me again I grabbed his balls and attempted to twist and pull them off!!! I don't fight fair but then again what is fair in a fight...some one always gets hurt this time it wasn't gonna be me!!!

after that we sat on the porch him begging to come in me telling him to fix the phone him refusing..I was not gonna let hiom in...no way either he righted his wrongs or else....I swore if he fixed the phone I'd let him in he could go to his room and leave me alone but NOOOOOOOO he didnt do that...he decided to leave...

I called the police after I connected the phone directly to the back of the house...they put out a apb and that was a wait to c what happens... before they found him he pulled in...I called the police back...told them what he was doing and didnt hang up b4 they got here (almost 15 min) ...before they got here he managed to pull every plug outta the van disabeling it again...

I allowed them to let him stay on the grounds that he didnt touch the phone and he went to his room...left me alone!!!! and he did.....

this morning he left at 4am...I let his boss in to bug him til he left...that way I could sleep...after all for the last hr. I had layed with a pair of scissors tight in my hand if he had tried to attack me he would hav gotten it...

Now I tell u I know others have faced this crisis. and I know that it's no way to live ...I am changing my life step by step...It's no easy task...and it's gonna take strength!!! I am scared and full of anxiety...I don't know if I will susceed or fail...but by damn it I will not end up like my mother DEAD! DEAD by the hands of the man she loved.... I hope that you can understand what I am trying to say here...I am not perfect and I make mistakes but by goodness I am fighting back!!!! Please Fight back too...Lets change things once and 4 ALL!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

B.A.

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