Today has been pure hell...the house was a wreck and I decided that I had put up with enough bs from everyone...it was high time shit got done around here.

It took all day but I finially fought with the kids long enough to get things done...I now hav a almost perfect house of course I had to bust ass to get it done....some times i think I'm gonna rip my vocal cords out yellin at these guys.. I don't like to bust asses matter of fact i avoid it until I can't avoid it any more...

when is things with these kids gonna get better..I tell you they hav to b my number one fear... I am scared to death that they are gonna run david off...he says its not gonna b that easy but i know these kids and i know how much hell they can be...oh well...I guess we will c in time what will happen

I can't wait to move I hate this state any way...its lower incomed than i'm use to and sitters are so hard to find...i wanna go back to school and it's just not gonna happen in this small ass town. Atlanta sounds sop good..especially when we hav friends there to communicate with. I won't b so alone any more.

Every morning it gets harder to get off line and close out the only window that gives me happieness...I can't wait until i can be in Davids arms and feel his embrace...share his one on one physical attention in the same passionate way as i share his emotional attention...

he captivates my heart and makes me feel whole...life is funny and i am learning to open to the possibility that i can be happy. Even if true happieness scares the shit outta me...

any way i am rambelin again...I'll write more soon

BA

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