theres so much layin on my heart these days...between real life which has hit a wild roller coaster period , and my online family life I have been emotional...I have put off my feelings at home to morn the loss of one of my dearest friends and mentors aryn70, aryn was the momma of our guild family...the icing on our cake...she was funny and loving, passionate about her work and her family , she supported us through life...there wasnt nothin i wouldnt have done for her....then one day she died...no not a mortal death but a personality death....when she returned she wasn't the same in any way...she was rude, un emotional unless it was resentment, she no longer cared who she hurt or how....I seen the change immediately and began to fear for get...knowin that tellin her how i felt would cause her to hate me I backed off...

I also backed off because her lover gl is another of my valueable friends and mentors....gl aryn and todd who is gl's hubby were a threesome...no not somin i would enjoy but they seemed so perfect....its say... gl is suffering a great loss from not being involved in aryns change...she was forced to accept it...creating a gap in their lives....gl is emotional and feels like she will end up divorced...she has asked todd to end his thing because of this...he doesn't wish to do so...she is heart broken...two ppl she loved so much hav changed over night...and she is alone...sure she has us but she loves them...

we closer members hav felt a tremendous loss...maybe i feel it more i was very very connected to her...loved her as a friend and as family....I was asked to run for her position today...crying I accepted...its me, my darlin and another guild member....most say i will get it but david is so well spoken and level headed....i wonder if i'd hav a chance... after all he rocks my world and makes me whole....

the only reason i want to try is cause of aryn and gl's dream...to bring the wpg to real life... make it apart of everyday living.... these ppl r everything...they r the support....most the time and like true friends they tell u how it is which is somin the new aryn otherwise known as kasura dont understand...she thinks we r betrayin her when it is her that has changed and left us feeling empty...there is nothin we can do except morn our loss and hope for a healing.....

If i could talk to aryn the momma one more time I would tell her how much we love her, i love her, how much i miss her...how badly it hurts that she is not apart of my life.....but if i tried kasura would tell me off like she has been doin so many others....

is keepin a candel lit 4 her burnin a whole big candel a nite.... thats friendship...if u love somin let it go if it comes back it was yours if not it never was to begin with.....

in sadness i will close....I am sry for my down time.....

BA

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