well another day another thought. Life is strange and unpredictable...who would have ever thought thet I would be sitting here like this all over again. what is it that makes me continue a cycle like this. I would have never imagined that Ronnie would end up like this. I honostly thought if I loved him enough that life would work out.

Even though I have romantically moved mon and my heart belongs to another I can not help but remember how happy I once was with that man. I use to feel special I use to almost feel loved....what a illusional life I lead...

Last night while talking to my best friend on the phone who happens to be married to ronnies brother I found out that (in my opinion) Ronnies family thinks I'm some cold hearted bitch...they don't even think I care that he is in jail or what he may be going thru...boy people really don't know me at all.

I devoted three years of my life to that man, tried everything to make things wk. and this is the thanks I get. he has apsolutely no care for me...he was willing to throw me and my kids out in the streetinstead of allowing us to keep the home we had. he smoked dope in front of my daughter. he could have killed her by allowing an immature child of 12 years of age to drive. my Goddess what was he thinking? I had told him several times that when she was older that I would teach her that she didn't need to learn now. Why couldn't he have listened? Why does he always have to be so stubborn?

I really don't want him to end up in jail...I wish the courts would make him get professional help...not by choice...don't let him walk out like he did the last time....Ronnie was at one time a wonderful father to these kids. at one time he really cared and I couldn't have asked for better. I talked to his sister one night when he was upstares at the hospital visiting his mom. She told me that the man I fell in love with back then was not the Ronnie that he is now. she said he never was that man. How do people change like that. why do I keep finding men like this.

I will forever have a place in my heart for the man I met the man I grew to love. But the man that he has become i honostly don't care if I ever see him again. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want him around my children....we can not take his emotional abuse and the kids do not need him talkin about their mother...calling me a whore or a bitch, or whatever he happens to be thinking at that time.

I guess I'm gonna close 4 now maybe write more tonight.

Brightest blessings:

BA

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