Do u know what Its loke to be alone and afraid with thousands of emotions going through your head? To hav no where to go and feeling like no one understands. thats where I sit now. I'm alone...sure I have my friends on line. I have a man who I love with all my heart. but I don't feel right telling him how badly I need him here (irl) right now.

one chapter of my life is ending causing me grief and sorrow. while another is beginning unfortuantely not quick enough. I can't push because i don't feel its right. David has to do what he has to do. and its not going to be easy.

he has been so quiet lately I know why and there is nothing I can do to help him except love him. I know his promise means so much to him, and I know he loves me....I do not doubt that. I just can't help but wonder if he is going to be able to do this without loosing what makes him ...the David I love so much. I don't want him to close me out. which is what I feel happening.

have u ever wanted somin so bad but feel like u should pull away to save the other person from pain...this is what I feel. I find myself crying, wondering if he would be better off where he is. if when he gets here if my love will be enough....

I guess living with ronnie for 3 yrs has left my self respect level very low...and makes me wonder what am I really good 4....no I don't want pity...please do not think that. I am just tryin to write what I am feeling and hope that someone out there identifys with me...if not no loss I've always worked things out before I'll be fine this time too....

It's just another one of lifes shitty pits and I'm gonna have to wade out one step at a time...rebuild what I lost (emotionally)

I just hope that I don't have to b alone too much longer...not sure I'll be getting outta bed if it gets much worse....the happy pills just aren't working anymore...and I don't even know how to feel about my life.

fuck it:

I'm going to bed...catch ya'll later...

BA

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