Well I still won't say what is going on but it looks like they think they have the evidence they need. there will be an arraignment on the 22nd at 9am. ***sigh***

why me? I sware I want to nail balls to a tree...I had plans I had dreams. I had everything. and now its time to start over. I'm not gonna walk away from the situation. but I know its over....last night I slept one hour...one crazy fucking hour. my eyes flew open , I was sweating like it was 200 degrees and that was it.

food has no taste,, the sun though out is not lighting my world. its like there is a higher power that places love at the edge of my fingers...shakes it...intises me until I can't avoid the feelings and I allow myself to reach out become attached then cruely jerks the rug out from under my ass.

I was not looking for love when I found David. I wasn't...when things started gettin serious i wanted to run so bad.....but he was so special, so differant, so kind so caring. he made me feel important, like I was somehow intitled to happieness...yes it lasted 6 months and yes I am so greatful for the way he made me realize my own self worth.

I am going to miss that...I already do....he was there 4 me. I trusted him...i believed in him...I would have died for him...

wonder if i could just hand out knives to men and say here take your best shot...do u you can shove it hard enough to kill me this time...I know i know bull shit right...but at least I'm honost...thats what i'm thinkin... I'm sure that those who suffer from this shit have thought the same I just hav the brass balls to say it.

ok I'm going to go...please remember those unspoken and send healing vibs to our family

brightest blessings

BA

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