rollercoaster rides seem to be a normal thing these days. earlier I was over joyed by the kindness of my family. then I went to pick up John. he was suppose to do all these things including buy a printer 4 star so she could finish her report 4 school. then he said he would buy grocerys 4 the kids to be able to eat...he did do that but he bitched the entire time....I don't like relying on other people even if it's the kids dad...I know its his responcibility but I want to work, wish I could find a sitter who would take care of my kids....at lease my family don't make me feel guilty about accepting help...**shakes head***

at one point of being out w/ him I broke down crying, I know what I was thinkin but it was too much to hold inside....I had really believed that my life was changing, that I was gonna have a home with a man who loved me for me...that I was gonna finially build a life...here I am back at square one and by all means it hurts like hell..

I believed in love, I trusted, I charished every moment and looked forward to my rainbow...I only wanted two loving arms, and a soft voice that told me that I was special to them...some one to take care of and spend time with...some one who didn't distroy my heart...well so much for pipe dreams and romance...the fantasy is over and I sit alone...again...

ok im taking my pity party off the diary and gather my thoughts....

Brightest blessings

BA

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