Today the sun is shining, the wind lightly blowing thru the trees. I have already done neo and my emails. Life goes by slower than it use to each day seems to linger on. There is much to do and yet I am bored. I still wait to hear his voice and watch the mail like a hawk for his next letter. I know I am still living in a dream, a dream that I hold dear despite all I know he has done.

Healing is never easy and when there is love involved sometimes it takes longer. you want to hold on to what was, to your dreams to the love, and yet you know those things will probably never be...not due to lack of love and passion but due to circumstances.thats where I am. I want things to work out with all my heart but I know that the situation is that which won't allow it.

You know what makes it even harder? Its knowing that the closest ppl in your life can't handel it when u talk about the things that bother u, or they can't handel that you may try to make things work. I don't blame those people as I love them. I just hold friendship and family higher than that. I know that we as humans fuck up and sometimes we fuck up really bad but the person is still human. they still need support or they will cease to exsist.

I don't know, I am trying to pull my life together, to find my way out of the darkness and gloom to a safe secure and happy land. All I can do is hope 4 the best. to begin to bandage the wounds and hope the scars arent too deep. maybe that is asking too much....Only time can tell...

with that I'll close

Brightest Blessings

BA

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