*sigh* I got another letter from David today most of it I wont ex0press here because I do not understand what he is talking about ... My heart aches to hear his voice I know it will only be a few more days but it is so hard..

He is so full of doubt that I will stand by him and support him...I can't turn my back not after Donnie! not after donnie committed suicide and left me with a life time of guilt and pain...I won't ever feel that pain again... Yet I fear...

I await the trial. I await the discission, the discission that will put my life into the path of the future...I have months of healing ahead and by all means the roller coasters will continue to run...ups and downs...but isn't that life?

I'll survive, I maybe hurting and confused and feeling very much alone but I'll survive...

I also got a very supportive letter from Jenny today, I don't know how she can accept me but she does...it takes strength to reach out to as most say "the other woman" I still feel guilty knowing that both of us want him...knowing that both of us love him... When she asks me if I hav messages 4 him...I tell her the small stuff and ask her to giv my # but I can not bring myself to have her tell him ho0w much I love him...this is somin I have to do on my own...

I got a call from his mom yesterday, a very sweet lady, I felt so sry for her I can't imagine having a child in jail...wondering where u went wrong...no she didnt say that but what parent wouldnt feel it...she was basically checking to b sure that david had the right # this time...and he does..but after the 60$ collect call between me and jenny. I hav to wait til I pay that 1st. this will happen 1st thing Wedensday...I can not wait til I pick up the phone and hear his voice...Its sure to bring me to my knees in tears but worth every second of the pain...

Oh well enough...I'm gonna go may write more later..

Brightest Blessings

BA

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