I just woke up from an amazing dream, of course I know that it will never come true but its better than the night mares I've been waking to.In my dream I was in davids arms safe and secure, no one else around and we danced under the stars. in my dream i didn't hav to deal with all the issues at hand. i could melt in his arms, feel the passion from his kiss and just enjoy.....I know it's just a dream but I woke up for once in a peaceful mood.

I've recieved two letters in two days and await more. in his letters he asks for support and that I not turn my back on him... I couldn't ever do that...EVER.He reminds me that I am still very special to him and that he loves me very much. I still don't know what I'm gonna do I just live my life day by day.

I still find myself thinking about Ronnie and everything that happen...makes me scared to give my heart away again. This house is still very lonely and sitting here sometimes brings back memorys of brighter days...I hear that Ronnies sister may be taking whiskers...I know I have no control over that but it hurts...since ronnie has been gone whiskers has stayed at my feet, he sleeps w/ me and plays with me...It's gonna be hard to say good bye to my old friend when the time comes...I know its gonna hurt the kids but The truth is whiskers isn't ours....so what can we do? NOTHIN!

the car wouldnt start today the batterie was dead so the kids didnt make it to school...I tried everything but no luck. we live too far out in the sticks to accomplish anything...hope to hav it fixed by morning.

Did I tell you about the new drugs...the ones that kick my ass....oh yes the dr gave me new pills. on top of what I am already on...they knock me out cold if I take a whole one, and will still space me if i take half. but I'm not crying, screaming and shaking anymore. I'm just high!!!!! I don't like that feeling but I guess it will take awhile for my body to get use to em...I hate the sweats most...I stay so hot!

any way, I'm outta here for now hope everything out there in your worlds is well....

Brightest Blessings

BA

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