today was so hard as I opened 3 envelopes from david almost 30 some pages...one letter and 2 for the web sites...

I created a diary for him yet to link it...but is where all his thoughts , storys, opinions, and stuff concerning inside life (inside meaning lock up)to read his writings please read paganinside thanks!

I shed many tears and took two nerve pills today..Its so emotional, and it's hard to hang on to hope when you know the truth...I only got one envelope typed but I did get some done... I am gonna post here some of those things along with pasting em to his site...but since he wrote em to me and said its ok I think here is a good way 4 others to c the other side to my writings..I love him so much...what can I say....so here it goes....(this was typed directly from his pages of written word)

Brightest Blessings

BA

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Introduction Page For writings to BA

What I write on these pages you may share or not, it is up to you. For that is who these words are reserved for. Share them if you like, I trust you will know what to do.

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To BA

I can not imagine the betrayal you must feel, but I know there are no words I can say to make it better. There are no words to make it right. I may be a fool, but do not normally concider myself stupid. (mind you what brought these things to this point does show that I can be very stupid) I am sorry Jesilyn, I am so very sorry. I do love you, this you must know. I am a loss of words, I wish I knew what to say. I wish I could say something, anything to put things back how they were. I am forever damned I know.

Love,

SG

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The Screaming Soul

There is so much my soul screams to write,

but afraid I am that you dont want to hear.

Finially do I have time to write the poems

but wonder if they fall upon deaf ears.

My deep and wonderous love for you I hope you know

but fear do I that it no longer really matters to you.

Do you still want to hear the words I feel?

or too much pain would they be for you.

My soul screams to write so much for you

weather to commit my soul to paper.

For your heart to hear what mine bleeds.

To Blazing Angel

By Shadow Geomancer

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TIME AND LOSS

Things have changed again

as they always do and shall

such is the way of things

always in a flux and never the same

action with the thought of helping one

so quickly and easily destroys another.

Love given trying but to help,

another is lost cause forgotten to think

The wheel has turned now

too late to go back

A tear falls so silently

realization has set in.

can not go back and undo,

damage far to bad to ever fix.

Act out of love and seen so wrong

can not unhurt the other I love.

Life must go on now,

for better or worse it must go on.

Pain unknowing and unwitting I have caused

Time I hope can heal.

Perhaps in time it can be forgiven,

Knowing too that it can not be forgotten.

Life goes on inspite of folly,

happieness lost, but always remembered fully

To Blazing Angel

By: Shadow Geomancer

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To: BA

Last words and last thoughts for now, How I miss you. I love you truely, deeply, and ever more. You are in my thoughts always. through out the day, til the time I finially fall asleep. Even then for those few hours, you are so often there. so many strange dreams, not all, but many of you. The hurt you must feel I can not imagine, But please know that I love you so, That I never ment to harm. You still hold my heart, My love, and indeed my life...I LOVE U!

Shadow Geomancer

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NITE ALL

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