I got to talk to david, It makes my day and nite when he calls....even though it hurts like hell when I hav to hang up...I hold the phone, sometimes hugg or blow kisses after he's gone...then I swell up and cry my heart out.....

Tonight he brought up the subject of time, among other hard topics....It is so hard....I try to stay positive and hold hope and when forced to look at that aspect It makes it hard to dream other than nitemares...

what do u do? how do u stay realistic and still hold on to your faith and hopes and dreams....I sit as tears stream down my face, and wonder what is life going to do to my dreams....will I get the happieness I desire so much or will the powers that be rip my life away .... Some times I shout at them and scream why the fuck do u keep allowing this? why do u keep teasing me with happieness if all I get is a taste....ITS NOT FAIR....I know life isn't fair but gezzzz wiz. enough is enough already...

I would give anything....ANYTHING to be there...to be able to look in his eyes and hear his voice...to be able to hold him....but I can't....I'll probably never get that chance will I? ***sigh***

I hope I'm wrong...I so hope I'm wrong...

his mom is a doll...she is gonna help w/ the phone calls so he can keep calling....If I didnt have too I wouldn't accept it...but I just can't afford 20$ calls every few days....How I wish I could....I wish I could afford em every day......I miss his voice so much...so so very very much.... dang once a day would be 600$ a month...wow I'd need 3 jobs to do that...would iffin I could... I love him so very much.

she said she liked her card, was glad she did....I just wanted to brighten her day and let her know I was thinking about her....matter of fact thought about her alot that day...about how hurt she must be....and what it must be like 4 her....wish I could help make her life easier...

well...I think I'm gonna crawl in bed and hold faith and hope and try to rest maybe I'll take a pill to be sure I do....his mom and him asked me about sleep tonight, don't think that is a hint do ya? Ok I know it is more than a hint its a demand that I rest, take care of myself...wow....wish it was so simple as saying ok I'm gonna sleep 8 hrs tonight and I'm not gonna wake up sweaty with nitemares....but reality is I get about 2 hrs and I'm up wide awake....*sigh* anyway I'm outta here going bed....

Brightest Blessings

BA

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