for my devoted readers I am so sry I havn't been updating. u c I have been very ill, and havn't actually felt up to thinking alone updating...I have been running high fevers and even broke out with hives...lol...yes u can laugh the way I was digging I looked like a flea bitten dog...dig dig dig...lol... thank goddess its over now...I also suffered a three day migrain that again thank the goddess its over now...I am again feeling on top of the world...

oh where to start what should I write about 1st?

I guess i should start with the letters I got today that filled my heart with happieness...he says I'm the one that he wants , not just a friendship but he still wants our plans, what can I say besides truthfully this makes me on top of the world...maybe some of u may not think I'm doing the right thing but I will continue to follow my heart that just so happens to be completely devoted to David... my heart says that waiting is what is right...that people make mistakes and generally people are good even after mistakes are made...I know he is paying dearly for his crimes and I believe that he will never repeat this...

I have spent the last few hrs updating his diary and adding 8 new entrys...I could read his words day in and day out...then again I know I'm bias... u don't have to say it...

I talked to jenny for awhile last night and that always helps my mind...carolyn says he looked good when she seen him yesterday...these are my eyes to his world...these r two of the three informers that tell me whats going on...I wouldn't make it a singel day without them...I know I would just go crazy....

I have been working hard on guild related matters the best I can...a few hrs here a few hrs there...I push myself in this department...I do not want my family to think I have went MIA so I get on the boards and answer neomail everyday...so much to do, so lil time...I never get to do anything that doesnt circle around my family in one way or another...either I'm doing guild biz, am in chats, dealing with my kids, or writing david...all circeling around my family...It keeps me busy I suppose, the busier I stay the less likely I am to think about all the things that upset me so...

I hate dwelling on rthe negetive..I like to move forward and survive the best I can...I am always looking for a way to improve my situation..if that means working til I'm dead tired and have no choice but to sleep so be it. I did the no no again last night...I was in such pain with the migrain I decided that taking all my meds at once would be the only way to stop this..so thats what I did...

I awoke to ellie beating me in the face..." here mommy DAVID!!!" they know the envelopes they know that I live for those letters...after I read them I got up made food , ate and wrote 19 pages back...then Ellie and I took a nap...I remember the other kids waking us up when they came home...star what a dear watched em til 7 when she woke me up to go get money from John...

we left and got john, food and went grocery, I don't know where we would be if John was like some dead beat dads...probably hungry and seperated...but he does what he can and it makes such a differance...too bad he is so arguementive and all that alcohol he's not a bad guy...but I'm not even gonna attempt to mend that one...uh huh...NO WAY....I learned that lesson the hard way... but its still nice to know i can depend on the support.

when I got home I felt so much better...free from pain , well rested and glad to be alive...I am full of energy can u tell...I feel so hyper...lol... Probably the best mood I have had in so long...

I didn't tell u star is sun burned lol...red as a beet! Its funny cause she doesn't normally burn and when we do she terrorizes us...slapping the burns and poking (does this hurt style) so we get to return her favors...she wines then giggles she knows its pay back time...lol...thats all in the fun of summer...cruel but what can I say she does it why can't we...

anyway I'm off to neo where I feel at home I'm sure there is more wk for me by now...

have a wonderful nite!

Brightest Blessings

BA

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