today I am gonna write about love, broken hearts and rebound as I believe this is what I faced today. Everyone knows the love of my life is in jail and may not be getting out any time soon. I hold my heart closely afraid that some sly male will capture it. I'm just not ready to see past my love for David. Today I was faced with a situation. For a few weeks I have been flirting with a guy, a real sweetie and nice looking man...sadness is he is married and even though the marriage is more than likely over he is still very much in love w/ this woman.

well today he left home each him and her to go into differant directions. he came here.I could tell he was upset as he stepped from the van and both of us very nervous. we went in the house sat down, i chased the kids outside we talked between silences. i noticed how both of our hands trembeled and words were hard to find. there were a few times we ended up in an embrace but not so much as a kiss exchanged. I honostly believe we were both lost in the love we shared for the ones we want most...yet something brought us together. i think we both tried for a few to ease the others minds , yet i do not believe it worked.He ended up leaving, Im sure hurring back to try to stop her from keeping her plans...I felt bad for him, yet I felt even worse that i had even thought about allowing another man touch me,, what in the hell am I suppose to do. I am stuck in a cloud 3000 miles from the man i love and want to spend my life with. I have natural female desires that scream to be held and to be made to feel special but I can't follow en because it makes me feel guilty...so I sit cry, and wait, using my meds as a tool to wash away the pain if only for a few hrs. I'm so confused and my heart is begging to be in seattle...just to c his face..to hear his voice..to be able to be close to him.... I wish the powers that be would find a way...a way to take me to him....a way for me to be with him....I'm not healing if anything the wounds get deeper and I am slipping over the deep end.. every second of every day I am lost in thinking of David even when life is trying to steal those feelings...

I wish I knew what to so....

Brightest Blessings

BA

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