see I told u the show must go on, the worlds bueaty is still clouded by my depression, and my over whelming need to break down...this can not nor will it happen though because I am needed ...I am a mother of four..a new leader of the WPG. this nolonger being a temperary position..but one for a life time if the powers that be will it. So much has happen this week dragging me from what needs to be done for me like getting my thoughts emotions and feelings out into the wind where it can blow in the directions of those who may need to feel them the most. yes I speak about the lonely hearted that face similar situations as I. I feel for those people but hope that at the very least they find thru reading my words that they are not alone.

survival is never easy but recently I was given an eye opener. I talk alot about wanting my peice of the american pie. I never once stopped to look at things from a reality stand. David gave me hell in a letter. much deserved hell and even more appreciated hell..he told me 1st that i needed to look in the eyes and hug the bueatiful children that I devote my life to, then look at my favorite picture of him...look deep into his eyes and tell hiom that I don't have a peice of the american pie...he knew I would never be able to do such a thing...

this was not the only thing he said he said that i should picture an old couple holding hands and walking dn. a side walk...when i do this picture i pass them with my kids..yes the kids r being kids and fussing...the old cuple looks in admiration, u c they could never hav kids nor adopt so they didnt get to experiance the feeling of being a parent. or the rich family that passes seeing me playing w/ my kids living in a lower income but the kids r happy and playing...their kids how ever have had the best and yet always want more...they c the smallest , lil ellie hug me and look at me in admiration...yes she does this often...and wonder why..why after all they done is it they r miserable and the kids just want the newest expensive gifts while mine r content by being loved...these r examples he gave when i had said how jelous i am of others, when i see ppl who are so called better off...are they really?....probably not..I agree because of my kids I am a rich woman...we may struggle but as david says we know who are friends are...

I hav a group of wonderful people in my life and since we were abandoned by john to survive in an area where we r basically alone I have found out where my friend ship lies...I will not dare mention names for I do not want to cause sorrow but I have truely been blessed by close friends who remain family in my heart....

AT&T are assholes and I hope my phone is unblocked soon...they blocked it never checking to c if I had paid my local service...stupid asses...Davids mom sends money and pays that bill..and u know what? they didnt look....gezzzz i sware! I can not wait for him to call again...because of AT&T i missed my thursday call...and if I miss my sunday call too I'll be in a fit...that man makes me feel alive more than anyone I have ever met...and I have to say more that all the jerks I've ever been wioth....MY LIFE for one visit.... *sigh* someday....

until then I hold his love close and my heart tight...protecting it from the evil thoughts that tend to haunt their way in...yes I am better today maybe even stronger....but I have a family to thank 4 making me feel loved...THANK U!MY ONES!!!!!

Brightest Blessings

BA!

You can read older entries by visiting the achieves on the right. Thank You For Visiting!