Sorry people I havn't been able to update in a while, I have been working on group stuff and trying to keep my own sanity as friday proceeds upon me like a rushing river. I can feel myself falling deeper into a depressed state as time passes by. who I am is obvious, what I want is no more than a dream at this point.

what am I going to do to make it a reality, How on this earth am I going to get 3000 miles away? We are making it here thanks to the many wonderful friends and family that helped...my needs and my kids needs have been blessed with good fortune. but honostly I'm still not happy. *sigh*

every day is like a glance out a window in my mind, I can clearly see what I want, like looking through a glass shop window at twilight knowing all the doors are locked tight. sounds simple right, just wait til morn...WELL ITS NOT!!!! (frantic moment) Its not simple. I want it NOW! I want some peace and tranquility in my life...I wanna know I can get to a store and know that I can tend my kids...this is all bs. (ok calming dn sry about that)

I see that I want to be w/ david, I picture in my mind a home, a family, a true meet me in the middle relationship...and yet I can't touch it, and I can't even come close to touching it...money is truely the root of all evil...with it people aren't happy and without it u can't survive..so whats left...but time....*sigh*

I definately have too much time on my hands..and not enough emotional stability to get a train of thought to stay put long enough to solve a problem..maybe I should just fucking walk to the store...10 god damn miles to the bank....GRRRRR...I'm outta here...c soon...I hope

Brightest Blessings

BA

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