"what do u do"
2002-06-27 1:51 p.m.
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what do u do when your hear is breaking when your hands are tied and you feel forsaken what do u do when your hope seems gone and your losing the passion to just carry on what do u do when there's no where to turn when in silence you secrately yearn what happens when it all falls apart when u feel u r loosing whats left of your spark when u want to give in cause no matter your effort you just can't win. what do u do when u want to let go when there are still people who are telling u NO. how do u cope what do u say when things seem to get worse with each pasing day... Today I got a call from my darling, actually lets say 3 calls cause they were back to back. Between the crazy phones, and screaming kids I found it so hard to hear. but some things I can't help but feel...like helplessness... I know he needs me right now, not just here, BUT THERE! where it feels real and as always I feel like I failed him ... some may say that I have it back wards...but U can take your opinions else where I know what I feel... he told me to stay where I am, not because that's what he wants but because he sees no other way... Through out the call I got the impression he was trying to tell me something, that he has given up...that he was hiding something....Im scared and bound by what can only be said as poverty...I can't afford to split and follow my heart...Im handcuffed by the inability to fund the move that I need to make... this is what seems life or death...The more I fight the harder I fall...the sooner I find hope its again taken from me...its like looking thru a big bay window calling it life...and all at once that window begins to crack....u know if that crack continues that its gonna shatter.....thats me...only the crack has grown to cover the whole window...its not going to be long before that glass falls apart and a empty frame remains... for those of u out there that screams u hav 4 bueatiful children...yes I do know this and for them I exsist... the light actually fadeing from my eyes...and a coldness setting in...this doesn't mean i don't love my kids...I do ...I would die 4 them...but being a mother isn't enough....its just not...Im alone when my passion is 3000 miles away...this is where my heart is, where I wanna be...I don't care who likes it, I don't give a FUCK what THE HELL u think , say, or do....this is what I need...he is what I need... I have to find a way and fast..I just feel deeply if I miss this last chance there will be no more.... Blessings (ARE NOT BRIGHT TO ME) BA |
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About Me:
My name is Jesilyn. I'm a forty year old mysterious spirit. I have survived the depths of poverty; experienced the wrath of wealth, studied psychology & several religions, evolved from a jagged family background where I suffered the hands of abuse, and now I stare life�s challenges in the eye.
Favorite Quotes
"The glass isn't half full or half empty. It simply needs a little ice."
"I maybe the queen of broken hearts but I don't stand behind the crown"
"If your ever going to see a rainbow you've got to stand a little rain."
"Good things come to those who wait."
"Life is what you make it."
"When life gives you lemons: Make lemonade!"
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