well its here

the dreaded day of the year, the day that 10 yrs ago still haunts my mind like it just happen.

It was 4th of july, my mother brought home my daughter from a visit to tell me she was going to KY for the weekend to spend the 4th of July...I felt bad cause my mother and I was mending our relationship. I thought very hard about sending my daughter with her cause she had never seen the fire wks with Starla. As I opened my mouth to say "MOM" I felt a slap , a hard one...chills ran my spine and when she said YES. I said I love u....

I still get chills when I remember that moment, why didnt i say PLZ DONT GO! would she had listened, no. she would hav told me not to worry she was fine.

all day I worried about what I had felt, it was so cold, I was scared it was one of those somin is gonna happen feelings and I again failed to say somin...we went to the local high school returning almost midnite at nite..45 min later or so give or take. My moms b/f daughter showed up at my house I never liked RickiGail. NEVER and when she came to my house I knew somin was wrong...

I said whats going on..she told me to sit dn.I argued the point. she said plz. I told her FUCK THAT! whats wrong w/ ur dad..

when she said jesi there was an accident I said OMG WHERE"S MY MOM! she said in the HOPSITAL...I started to cry OMG I GOTTA GET TO MY MOM! she bluntly told me it was too late..I immediately felt like killing her, but instead ran to the bathroom to get sick..colapsing to the floor screaming, puking and crying...finially they drag me outta the bathroom...she asked me if I wanted to go to my grandma's I said yes...my x kept star so I could go and Roger could go w/ me..I got to grandma's and found it to b true..the police had been there.

with everyone else upset I tried desperately to pull myself together grabbed the phone and made the 1st call to mom's best friend (my aunt shirley) when she ran frantically through her house breaking things I fell apart threw the phone and ran into my husbands arms cried for 4 hrs....Shirley showed up and poped a valume in me. I dont remember stopping crying..I do remember Rick Burkhart showing up in mom's car hrs after he was due...gets out throws a beer accrossed the car at his unkel and points his finger in our faces he said"I want u to know right now we went to get married" then he handed me mom's top false teeth...I colapsed into someones arms...lost my mind.... that man was the biggest JERK I knew and to this day after all he did I believe he shot mom and cause his family was cops they covered 4 him...

I will never forget the smell of the roses and the thought of them makes me sick to this day.....Even after 10 yrs I feel empty, lost and alone without her...she was a bueatiful woman who loved all and all loved.

I just had to share that story so u know why I say next that I HATE THE FUCKING 4th OF JULY!!!!!!!!!

Those of u out there living in dermestic Violence plz get out!!! NOW!!!! do not let your life end like MY MOM'S DID! learn from my heart ache...

BA

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