Well people,

I made it by the skin of my teeth and things tend to get worse let me start from where I left off shall we?

I sent my pc on the 4th so I am just now getting back on. I caught my bus on the 5th over two hours late... the trip that was ment to take 2 days and 19 hrs took 3 days and 17 hrs..I finially arrived in seattle after a hell of a trip...no it wasn't the kids they were actually great almost the whole way... we made a few new friends but those friendships quickly ended...nice while it lasted.

we managed to get the shaft at every bus stop along the way...rude greyhound workers, and run arounds...i didnt know where my luggage was for two days...no one would assist. I was scared to death...

we met many nice ppl along the way who helped w/ dinners and stuff like snacks for the kids...I felt really blessed...

when we got to our destination Jenny was there..it was so nice to see a friendly face who I actually knew...at least by phone and personality...It was a hug that I needed so badly... we got my stuff off the bus minus the one box that was lost in route. and she took it to the motel 6 closer to where David is...after which she returned to get me and the kids... we went to the motel and I curled my hair and did my makeup again...changed clothes and we left...

I took my nerve pill as my shakes began. we were headed to see David...the moment I had awaited for 9 long months.. I remember even with the nerve pills how shaken I was...the 1st impression..was I gonna be everything he has hoped for...how did I look, would he like my personality? would he still feel the connection?

I couldn't even hold the pencil to fill out the papers to get to see him... my hands just wouldn't...Jenny filled out my papers and directed me to where I needed to go... I wore my black silk suit and elvira spikes..Im surprized i could even walk as bad as I wobbled...

I approached the guard handed him my paper and ID and he handed me my key to the visitation room...I continued to shake as i walked dn the hall... I could feel the anxiety build and the tears form...but I held em back...

I entered the room....I hate small rooms..closterphobic incase u didn't know.. I waited..and in a few min here comes this grown man skampering up the stairs like a school boy..the biggest grin..I could tell he was very pleased with what he seen...and so excited that I was there..we spent alot of time staring at each other trying to grasp reality...

He is so georgous!!! everything I imagined he would be..how I would have done anything to get past that glass to feel his arms around me...ANYTHING!!!

his voice was like heaven and his eyes (yes he removed the glasses) reflected light into my soul..for a moment in time I was so happy..yet sad too...

he spent alot of time with tears streaming his cheeks...apologizing but I kept assuring him..we'll b ok..I'm here now..I love him so much! I know what he did...I know that it was wrong but I believe in him..and I am willing to go the distance..yes I know a woman in love is a reckless thing..but I have to try...

I spent 3 days in the motel...and jenny was around alot...I got to see david 3 times then I was taken to my aunts..where things go down hill from there..

Michelle is being evicted and i am screwed...I'm not giving up...lord only knows I would do anything for my kids...

I got up this morn got ready to go job hunting took shower, did hair and make up... I was actually excited to be going...woke up star to help w/ kids so not to feel like Im invading or pushing them off...and then told shell i was goping she told me not to go cause i don't hav a place to live..gezzz pete's I sware I can't win..Im about scared...

what do I do? where do I go? I have alot to work out... I feel like I have let down my guild (s) cause Im not there 4 them during our family crisis..and Even though I'm busting my ass I feel Im letting dn my kids too... what am I to do..

I can only do so much...

Keep us in your thoughts , light candels..and remember I love ya'll....

Ill write more as soon as I can...

If something happens Ill do my best to get to a pc and leave a message so ya'll don't worry...

Thanks for caring, (those that do)

Brightest Blessings

BA

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