life these days is up and down but mostly running in a circle I just don't know whAt to think anymore. I have gotten myself into a bunch of crazieness being poly is one of those things that has always opened doors i never expected... I have David who i can't have who has held my heart and soul for over a year sitting in a place where he will be trapped for the next 8 years and nothing anyone can do about it. all the phone calls letters and visits can't supply me with what i need to survive that long. then i get involved in a relationship with michael who tries so hard to please me and spoil me...taking care of the house, laundry, kids ... jumping at my every need and for the most part tends to sweep me off my feet. I just don't know what the future holds..i mean seriously... I wouldn't feel complete w/ out David and I know that but I can't live a life alone and I have accumulated a hell of a lot of feelings for michael;... its weird sometimes i can look at michael and see a future but this is brutally interupted by visions of david... it hurts sometimes so much and i dont feel like i can talk to anyone...i hav jen and marge but i don't wanna hurt jen further and marg could never understand....never being in this situation..I guess only time will tell and I need to relax a lil...though this is kind of hard when u're in love w/ one and falling for another and scared that you'll end up alone in the long run... who knows these days...I sure the hell don't......I'll drop it 4 now ... k? write more soon...

Brightest Blessings

BA

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