got some news the other day from back home. the phone call left me very confused and worried about a man I thought would never cross my mind in such a way again. the call came from marg who told me that Ronnie was sick. yes this is the same man that many of u have heard me cuss and plead for the last 2 yrs... is sick and may have cancer of the lungs..its not a definate but the dr's think its to strong of a chance... Again theres nothing I can do about it but I do feel I am human I still remember the good times though he won't even speak to me now...he thinks I fucked him over but anyone who was there seen what happen...thats neither hear nor there...the fact is I still have feelings...no maybe being in love is no longer an option where ronnie goes but I still look at whats going on with a heavy heart...if (yes that word that seems to posess no qualitys) IF things had been differant he would of had someone who would have taken care of him...now what , he will be forced to rely on family and may end up alone 4 ever. not exactly a life I wish on anyone especially a person who still holds a special place in my heart...

Funny how life has a way of fucking it's self when u want something so much...oh well its over I suppose..I will just sit in the back ground, listen when marg tells me about the situation, call and check on him and hope that his life improves. he thinks I don't care, he thinks I'm the biggest bitch in the world...well maybe I am but I will always care what happens...

hopefully pat will let him spend xtra time w/ those kids...yes i still think about then too...i never call or write but i do think of them...so much for past dreams...why can't I just forget after all isn't my life too confusing as it is w/ out memorys of him to boot?

I'll keep u imformed...

Brightest Blessings

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