not a whole lot has changed since my last entry but hey my public will start bitching if I don't update soon soooooo here we go...

I am to sign up 4 classes today.. think a change in majors is in order. it looks like social wk is more of a promising carear I can still council those who need it, and yet I have a larger variety of areas I can work in. I never really thought of my self as a social worker but it appears that alot of councelors are just that.

I'm still very excited about going, and wish the time would fly faster. I am in doubt these days on weather I can handel both wk and college but we will c. I hav to find out what classes r available and what I hav to do in them. I'm not gonna sacrifice anything where my education is concerned. everyone has been so helpful and supportive. much of the confidence I have comes from the positive feed back of my closest friends and family.

John is still living w/ us and I still say I can't wait for him to get his own place. Its just too hard on me. ex-s were never ment to maintain the same living space as far as I'm concerned. he's still not wking and funds aren't exactly that high that I can easily spare feeding him..or supplying the normal ness. thyat a person needs. I have enough on my plate!

he and jen r still together I am not exactly sure of my feelings about this. I see him doing much of the same things to her as he did me. controling her. not by telling her what to do. but making her feel like shit because she does. I don't feel like its my place to step on toes but I am concerned. Jen is a wonderful friend who deserves the best and I don't think he is it. but then who am I to judge? I just don't want her to make the same mistakes I did and make her life harder... *sigh* I'll just keep her in my thoughts and send positive energy her way in hopes her life is the best it can possibly be.

the kids r still in school I think they hav another week I can't wait 4 summer. I think they all need a break and play time. maybe when the bills that formed while I was out of wk will get caught up soon and we can start doing things again... I mean I do make decent $ and should b able to do more w/ them.. even if its bus passes and parks... we will c.. maybe I can get a car soon.....

I hav been sick these last few days and havn't felt much like doing anything... I did go c david over the week end and get to go back on sat. its a natural high to b around him... he makes me feel sooo special. and complete! I hate that I can only go once a month (usually) this month I get to go 3 (YAHHHHHHH!) the bus I ride on goes the 1st sat and sun each month and usually his visitation days only fall on one of those days... but this month its both!!! and then our ann. is the 21st and I'm renting a cat to go up there and we will renew our handfasting vows. this is what we'll have to do until something else comes available... I am commited to him in every way possible even if I have someone else here. don't think I don't love mike cause I do. but its obvious from mikes actions that we will never hav a future he just can't meet my emotionsl needs.. hell her can't meet his own... its really hard to live with him these days he is on a severe rollercoaster and its been a long down slide. I just don't know how much more of his behavior I can accept... I'll keep u informed on this issue ...

ok well I suppose thats it 4 now.. I'll update again soon....

Brightest Blessings,

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