August 27, 2004

Ok. So I couldn�t wait! I

figured as long as the Internet holds out I may be able to get an entry in

before it goes poof. 

Life has been quite

challenging over the last year. I started school September 2003 at Highline

Community College here in Washington. Since then I have completed several

classes. You can view the grades

(I took a screen shot). I have approximately one year left to finish my AA

degree. I was accepted into Phi Theta Kappa

which is a National Honors society based strictly on my grades. I am majoring in

Psychology and at this time I have completed several Psychology courses w/ two

left to complete. This happens to be my favorite part. My least favorite is

anything dealing with Math! I did well in my 1^st course; finished w/

a 3.2 but the second started algebra (2.7) , this happens to be my weakest link

and the subject that will send me into hysteria in a second. As time goes by you

will see just how dedicated I am to my studies. I warn you; I get irate when I

don�t get a 3.5 or higher on any subject. So, take it with a grain of salt.

My love life; well lets just

say that its up in the air. David has been incarcerated for three and a half

years now. Our letters have become scarce, our visits even more so. Without a

car, I am shit out of luck when it comes to getting to Monroe to see him. This

has created a lot of internal issues. I am now considered a starving college

student. Ok so we aren�t starving, it�s just a figure of speech. I am

receiving approximately 14,000 to attend college. This pays tuition, bills, and

books. It doesn�t cover getting my car fixed. This is why I can�t get there.

The lack of communication has created a lot of self-doubt, depression, and

stress. I feel I have been letting him down. But with up to 22 hours a day spent

on studying I don�t have the time I use to. I can�t spend two hours a day

writing letters, and even when I do his depression keeps him from writing back

in a timely manner. I try not to focus on the negative issues, and I try to

remain optimistic for our future it just gets hard to do at times. Yes I still

love him just as much as I always did; it�s just scary to see the decline. 

I still have Michael living

with me. We have our good days and our bad, our happy and sad. He helps with the

house, the bills, and the kids. It�s nice for the most part. We get into

arguments but it usually blows over before the days end. Yes, I love him. I just

am not willing to give up David for anyone. I�ll cover more on this issue as

time goes by. I want to give a brief over view of where life has been. 

Next topics are the kids�

This can become a large topic. 

Ellie is seven now. She was

home schooled last year. This year she will return to 1^st grade. She

is behind. We think she has ADHD but doctors here wont try medication. Her

attention span is weak. I would spend hours just teaching her one subject. She

is still wetting the bed; the doctors again act like it�s no big deal. I wish

they would put themselves in her shoes when people are teasing her. As a parent

I can�t be there 24/7 to stop the torcher from other people. She is a loving

child. She is growing up so fast. She lost her 1^st 2 teeth this week. 

Karin is eight now. She is

developing at rapid speeds; both physically and behavior wise. Karin has issues

of the mouth. She tells everything she hears. She is the informer! Its MOM�

everything! Cry, bitch, and complain. She is never happy any more unless she is

fighting w/ someone. She starts 3^rd grade this year. I hope she out

grows the tattling stage soon. It already causes problems around the

neighborhood, gets her into fights and has gotten her beat up a few times. 

Dylan, my little man, is

hitting puberty. His voice hasn�t changed yet, but I�m sure it will soon. He

is becoming interested in girls and going places. I am trying to hold him down

better than I did Starla. When we get to her you will see why. Dylan is

interested in games, scooters, bikes, and running with friends. He will be in 6^th

grade this year. 

Star�. Oh my where do I

start? She is 14. She will either be in 8^th again or move on to 9^th.

Last year we home schooled her after her 6-week tonsillitis issues. Lets say

that she has been in more trouble than ever. She has a new BF, his name is Tyler

and lets just say that the two of them have me fit to be tied. I tried to

separate them several months ago. She ran away and this state does not have

run-away laws. In other words it is not against the law for a kid to run away!

So she did that three times, leaving me grief stricken and w/ no other choice

than to let him stay. She pushes every limit there is. Curfew, her mouth,

refuses chores� We just don�t know what to do any more. I talked to my

psychology instructor who told me to just do my best to reduce any major future

impacts. This is not easy done. She has changed so much over the past 2 years. I

barely know her anymore. I have cried, begged and gotten angry; to no avail. I

haven�t given up yet. Don�t expect I ever will. Hopefully soon she will find

her way away from the little creep. (Thinks� if this were VA then we could

bury him in back yard� 

Any way lets end this

here�. Expect more later� probably closer to September. 

Brightest Blessings

BA

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