Yes this is a really deep situation and I am absolutely confused. Let me begin by answering Derek�s question. he asked, �Why have you avoided showing any affection (we'll call it PDA from now on) with women in front of your kids?  Would you have avoided PDAs if you were with a man?� The fact is that I have never been in a �serious� relationship with a woman. The closest thing I have had was a three way with a close friend of mine and the guy I was seeing at the time. This was a situation where the kids weren�t home and neither of us thought it was in the kid�s best interest to see that type of thing. I guess if it had of been a �long term� situation it may have been different. But this kind of explains why they have never seen me in such situations. On the other hand, I have always hid PDA actions when it comes to people I�ve yet to create a long term relationship with. It wouldn�t have been different if it had of been a man. 

As for, �Derek�s other question: why are you seemingly so afraid of GLBT PDA?  If you (and ALL your friends) have never shown affection, something's up.� It�s not that I�m afraid it�s that the majority of my friends are of the GLBT community but I don�t always meet their spouses/partners. Many of my friendships are over the Internet, which means that we don�t usually see each other. Even when the Rainbow Pride Club people come to my house they don�t usually bring spouses and those that do don�t show PDA. (Not that I wouldn�t want to see it I just never have.) 

When I look at the whole picture, I realize that the kids don�t see any more than I do. They don�t respond to television/movies (it�s my party, bird cage, etc) in such a way. However, they always show �ew� reactions concerning PDA when people do so in person (strait or other wise). This seems to have become more intense now that it�s Aunti and Rayna and it�s hard for me to be sensitive to both sides when neither side seems wrong. 

As a parent, I�ve tried to raise my children to understand that different people have different preferences. They have been raised with a wide variety of races, religious affiliations, customs and sexual preferences, however it doesn�t mean they have seen every category in practice. For example: I personally do not date outside my race (but they do), attend Christian churches (But they do at times), or tell them that those things are wrong. I�ve allowed them to make that decision. To a large degree I have tried to raise children that follow their own hearts. I never thought there would come a day when there would be a problem with that because they have always been so accepting. 

I guess the real issue isn�t with my feelings about what is going on. It�s about the children�s. I accept the situation for what it is and enjoy seeing the two women happy. However, it bothers me that the kids feel the way they do.  

On one hand, I want them to understand that different people have different relationships that are customized to their needs and that loving relationships aren�t wrong. I want them to look at people for their internal being instead of a single aspect of it. On the other hand, I want them to stand up for their beliefs, speak their mind and have some control over what they are around. Even Jenny admitted that at 19 she was grossed out by the actions of her own aunt when she came out of the closet. The difference is that Jenny was an adult and could chose to limit contact where as the kids couldn�t make that decision if you paid them. 

I agree w/ Sharon, no the kids do not have the right to chose what others do but since Jen and I both care about the children�s well being we asked Karin which she would prefer: 

1.    Aunti to cut back on her time here and spend time with Rayna else where.

2.    For Aunti and Rayna to continue to come around like they have been. Karin looked at us, fought the tears and said, �I don�t know.� At that moment I didn�t know what to say or do. 

We realize that the girls (especially Karin) have abandonment issues and this is part of what makes it hard. This is also why I suggested that if Aunti chose to spend less time here that she tell them anything but that she has chosen time w/ Rayna over her normal time here. It�s obvious that Karin don�t want to lose her aunti, but at the same time she doesn�t want to see the PDA. She can�t have both things her way and still be fair to them. And when it�s all said and done it�s Aunti that will have to chose. Neither of us want Karin hurt more than she has been in her short life but she deserves to be happy as too. 

That is where my mind splits again. I look back at my own childhood and how adults would push me to tell them my feelings only to ignore what I said after wards. In a way it seemed like a trick. It�s was saying, tell me what you will but I don�t care what you think or how you feel. When the kid has been placed on the spot, directly asked a question, and has reluctantly responded with her honest feelings, it seems almost cruel to ignore them and say deal with it. That is why I am seeking other people�s opinions. 

At this moment we haven�t made a decision as to what to do but I agree with some of what everyone has said� 

1. (Derek) Perhaps they can be less physical but not totally forced to stay hidden; (wonders if that is asking too much)

2. (Derek) Again, kids have rights and feelings that ought to be valued, but if they are deeply offensive, then I would, as a parent, challenge it.  Now, it's best perhaps to discuss rather than demand (ask them why they feel this way, how it must make their aunti feel, whether they would want someone to keep them from loving someone else how they wish, etc (A definite tactic I will use)

3. (Vexy) Sitting down with the kids again talking with them about the choices and what we are thinking about doing.

4. (Sharon) Do not encourage that by allowing them to decide where Jen can show affection.

5. (Rosey) What the kids see now will directly affect how they react in the future.

Another idea Jen and I discussed over breakfast was to see if the library had children�s books w/ similar situations. I know of one called, �Heather has two mommies.� Maybe someone knows of others.   

Over all I know the situation needs addressed and I am trying desperately to prioritize my responses. The last thing I want to do is place limitations of my own values.