The other day I had a slight emotional breakdown. Ok, so it was more like an emotional over load than a break down.

1st one of my street children was uprooted and taken to live with her mother. For me this created a pull and tug type of emotion. I mean on one hand I knew I loved this child and would miss her dearly. Then on the other hand, I pulled out of the emotional box long enough to tell myself that she would be better off as far away from this area as she could get. I say this because the area I live in is very ethnocentric. They dislike, judge, and prosecute anything that exists outside their norm; even if prosecuting creates negative results. Anyway, She left and that was the beginning of a very emotional day.

Then a bittersweet blessing doubled my heartache as my son�s x-girlfriend re-enter our lives. You see, about this time last year Dylan became a Daddy. Ok not in the traditional sense of the word but in a platonic, emotional connection sense of the word. This happen when a 2 year old little boy, who didn�t have a loving father began calling my son Daddy� and Dylan being a child of a dead-beat dad couldn�t take it so he stepped up to provide love for this fatherless baby boy. In the process, he fell in love with the mother. Unfortunately, the woman was 23 and not only had the 2 yr old but a 5 yr old and was pregnant again! Of course Dylan was only 15 at the time so that could not happen, and by the time it could, she ran back to baby�s daddy. (An obvious mistake)� Anyway, it had been 6 months since we seen Dylan�s son and we were so excited. But, when Trenten wanted to stay upstairs w/ Daddy� well Na-Na got emotional and my mind slipped to darkness�

I started thinking about how much we miss those kids and how much I miss my own blood daughter and grand babies, and before I knew it I was in tears. Then Karin came home with an attitude and all shit hit the fan. Then Star called and WHAM I BROKE HARD. I ended up telling her many of the things I had been holding hostage in my mind, like how she destroyed me and the kids when she took herself and my grandbabies away and how that has caused me to be lenient and not want to �punish� the other 3 out of fear that one day they would leave me too. I mean I know this is not right but it is the truth. I do feel locked in a cage by fear. I never wanted to be separated by distance. All I ever wanted was to have a close net family. However, that seems so long ago now� though I think that contributes to my current issues of depression and my other physical aliments.

Anyway, my severe down was short lived. The next morning I picked myself up, embraced the time I would have w/ the babies and stayed busy. And then something happen� Ashley decided she did not want to go back. Therefore, we are trying to figure out how to keep her here and hid until her HUD kicks in and she can get into a house. So, keep your fingers crossed. I need some good energy.

P.S. I think I made a 4.0 in my last class. The grades aren't officially posted yet but I am only 1.7 points short of a perfect 100 which should b a 4.0 *smiles*

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